So to start off this is the beginning i will see how far this goes and how long i can keep it up. I have a worried husband and for those of you who dont know me i was getting an average of 3 hours of sleep a night for the last  few weeks and it has affected me severely effected my mental health ( yes i saw things but i knew they werent there and i didnt talk to them i mean REALLY if the world became over run with zombies wouldnt you hear about it somewhere and what kind of conversational skills can i expect from a zombie?)  Any how so my husbands birthday was spent with him freaking out taking the day off work and taking me in to the doctor (Thank you Jewel for watching my boys!!) So when at the doctors they decided i was a mess i actually got a impromptu meeting with a psychiatrist Who challenged me on a few things:

 First SLEEP i need more than 3 hours a night... turns out most people do.

Second I need to be able to answer what seems to be a simple question but has become increasingly hard for me. What do i do for fun? i used to love doing things now i hate leaving my house i never feel comfortable which brings me to my next point 

Third i need to start loving me again, i dont care if that means spending forever trying on a million outfits till i find one i truly feel good in, Or getting my hair done or trying new things with my makeup hell i will try losing weight, i just need to feel better going out in public and have the ability to relax have fun and enjoy myself with out the paranoia kicking in.

Fourth i need to try new things i need to go out and discover what it is that i like what interests me and what i can do to expand myself away from my children and husband. they are the most amazing things in my life but i need to figure out who i am now away from the mommy babble and the wifely duties.

And this is my start i will try keeping a semi up to date blog thing on whats going on what i do what i am thinking and how its affecting me  i am sure you will read alot more about me than you ever really cared to know an you know what thats okay this is not for you. Its for me its about me for me and my hope for a much healthier happier me. i live a charmed life its time i start appreciating it .